Dear Dr. Been There,

Great insight! (How to Leave Employment with a Narcissistic Boss).  I am working with a cccrrrazzzzyyyy narcissist! QUESTION: What causes or attributes to Narcissism? More importantly, if you work for a narcissist, and you depend on them for your job, what do you do to maintain your job security, at the same time, deal with such insanity? Please help!

Thank you for writing to me. Narcissism usually develops in severely dysfunctional families where a child learns to not trust that his or her needs are going to get met or how to love self and others. Caretakers are inconsistent in parenting, tend to ignore the child, or actively abuse. In many ways they are true victims. The person that the narcissist presents as in adulthood is a made up image. They are obsessed with this false image and direct tremendous energy to other people’s impressions of them. Their inner world is a nightmare.

Narcissistic bosses are actually easy to control if you are willing to give them constant admiration and attention, periodically ask them for their brilliant advice even when you know how to resolve a dilemma, never question their decisions or expect recognition for your contribution. If you don’t take their emotional baggage personally and can play their game you will probably maintain job security.  I am wishing you the best.

Roberta