Dear Dr. Been There,
I can’t explain how perfectly your article, Partners Incapable of Feeling Love describes my relationship with my girlfriend. In the beginning I was the object of her affection, the love of her life, the man of her dreams. A couple months down the road and I start seeing a change and hearing about her past with her father that left and alcohol issues and abusive exes. I wanted to be the one that makes her see differently but it has come at the cost of my happiness and sense of self. She acknowledges that she needs to seek therapy but does not have insurance and no way of funding therapy. I would love to stick it through because I do get a glimpse every now and then of the girl I fell in love with… Should I stick it through? Maybe try and back off or completely walk away?
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Being caught in-between acceptance and surrender is not fun. You do not have the power to change your partner or save her. She has to want to be responsible for her own actions and capable of changing. She may not be ready for the journey and the choice is not yours. Ask yourself what you want and need to take care of yourself and move forward with your life. You might have to leave your girlfriend behind for a better life. You can love and encourage her, but that does not mean you accept abuse or mistreatment. It is not okay to hurt yourself. I am wishing you the best. Thank you for writing to me.
Roberta
